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Today was simultaneously the best and worst day of SecUnit’s life.
It knew there was going to be crowds so close together its elbows would rub against others. Already it’s counted seven times a human had bumped into him with the full force of their body, getting odor and sweat rubbed on its clothes. It knew it would be loud enough to drown out the audio on its droids, making observation difficult. It knew it would be forced to look humans in the eyes, possibly forced to shake hands, and forced to act like a non-murderous human. This was literally its worst nightmare.
On the other hand, having the opportunity to be so open and unashamed about its passion for Sanctuary Moon was a delight.
“Welcome to the tenth Sanctuary Moon convention!” Declared by an electrical banner hanging high above the crowd. There was a strange joy it got watching other humans walk around wearing shirts bearing famous lines from the show. Others dressed up as the characters, including obscure characters who were only in the show for all but two minutes. SecUnit had fun trying to figure out who was dressed as who. There were rows upon rows of people selling art, foreign language versions of the show, graphic novel adaptations, hats and jewelry and so much more.
Rhatti was certainly enjoying himself. He’s always been an upbeat individual, but he seemingly turned into a little boy the moment he walked through the convention doors. He was bouncing on his feet, trying to look at everything. Rhatti clicked on his feed. “Okay, most of the stuff I want to see doesn’t start for another hour. Is there something you want to check out first?”
SecUnit looked over at a table selling black hoodies with Sanctuary Moon’s design on the front in white. “I want that.”
The line was short and once SecUnit got the hoodie, it slipped it on immediately. Perhaps it was too warm for such clothing, but there were plenty of humans wearing thicker clothes (and smelling even worse.)
Rhatti said, “Alright, and then what?”
SecUnit stared at the table selling plushies. Amena’s birthday was coming up and Mensah had already sent it an invitation for her party. It didn’t want to go, but sending a gift seemed appropriate. “I want to get one of those.”
It got two plushies; one for itself and one for Amena. The plushie was of Dango, the lovable animal companion from season 7. So even if Amena didn’t understand the reference, the plushie was cute enough to compensate that.
Before Rhatti could ask, now what? again, SecUnit looked at the table selling stickers. “I want to get those.”
The vendor was delighted as SecUnit bought twenty stickers. The vendor threw in a couple of free ones as well as her personal feed number, giving Secunit a suggestive wink. SecUnit took the stickers, but threw away the number right in front of the vendor. Her smile fell and she said nothing else.
As soon as they were a good distance away, Rhatti said, “You didn’t have to be so mean to her.”
“I was being very clear I was, and never will be, interested,” SecUnit said. “Isn’t that the preferred way to do it? Not lead them on?”
“You can do that and not be so mean.”
SecUnit frowned. It suddenly turned and started started walking back to the sticker table, Rhatti trailing behind it, confused. SecUnit stopped in front of the vendor who stiffened at the sight of it. SecUnit said, “I apologize for throwing away the number. I just didn’t want any confusion of the situation and lead you on by mistake. I’ve been told what I did was harsh.”
The vendor held up her hands. “It’s okay! Don’t worry about it. I should’ve known you were here with your boyfriend. I love the matching hoodies.”
“Boyfri-?” SecUnit looked back at Rhatti. The hoodie he was wearing was white with black font. A perfect parallel to SecUnit’s outfit. It turned back to the vendor in horror. “No. Oh god no.”
When they walked away again, Rhatti said, “That was even meaner.”
***
SecUnit bought seventeen more stickers. Eight pins. Three art prints. Four more hoodies, a t-shirt, and a hat. It attended four programs, sitting in the far back away from the crowd. It used drones to record the other ones it could not attend due to scheduling overlap. It even watched a cosplay contest, but came out of it feeling miffed as the winner clearly did not deserve it. The runner-up, who was dressed like Dr. Zeegler during his kidnapping arc, had the superior costume. The winner only showed off breasts.
“I thought her costume was nice,” said Rhatti.
“It was clear she only made it within the hour. I put more effort into my costume as Consultant Rin.”
Rhatti gave Secuit a curious look. “Would you want to compete?”
SecUnit didn’t know how to answer. On one hand, it felt like it could do a much better job. There were so many great moments on that show that were overlooked by the majority of fans here, and it knew it could give the attention those scenes deserve. On the other hand, SecUnit had no idea how to sew, plus the thought of being up on stage, being judged, made its human-parts crawl with distaste.
It didn’t need to answer because a huge burst of energy from the crowd caught Rhatti’s attention. He peered over the numerous heads. “Oh… I think that’s… that’s the actor who plays Eden!”
SecUnit’s head sharply swiveled in that direction. Sure enough, Adam Voltek, the actor who played Eden, was browsing the art stalls. He was buying prints of his own character and taking pictures with the artists.
If SecUnit had spit, it be swallowing right now. Eden was its favorite character. The episodes he was in were watched multiple times. Because Adam Voltek… played a secunit. It was one of the few fictional secunits that were not portrayed as falling in love with their clients or written as evil for no reason. Was Eden everything SecUnit wanted in a fictional representation of itself? No. The actor often portrayed Eden as too human at times, like crying or biting his lip. But his fight scenes were choreographed so well, SecUnit would rewatch those moments again and again and again.
When Voltek was out of costume, he looked like a normal human. On the show he was clean shaven with his long hair tied back in elaborate braids. Here on the convention floor, his hair was tied in a basic ponytail, had a beard growing in, and he was smiling. He never smiled on the show.
Seeing SecUnit’s interest, Rhatti pointed towards Voltek’s direction. “We should go over there and say hi!”
“No!” SecUnit immediately said. “Don’t you dare make me!”
“Whoa, whoa! Okay, we don’t have to if you don’t want to. Besides, there’s a lot of fans hanging around. We probably won’t even get close.” Rhatti sighed and rubbed at his shoulders. “Honestly, I think I need a break.”
Rhatti left in search of food and a place to sit with a promise to met up again later. SecUnit watched as Rhatti disappeared into the crowd on his way to the food court. One drone was kept on him just in case. It kept shopping for merchandise. It bought another plushie, and then two non-canon books, but its enthusiasm wasn’t there anymore. SecUnit knew it was… anti-social. (It would never dare use the word shy. ) It needed to be introverted. It was safer to keep away from people. The more people knew who it was, what it was, the more life got complicated. It was safer that way.
Yet it hated how it couldn’t even bring itself to say hi to one person. That the mere thought of doing so made its insides churn. Was it sad that it would rather have people shoot at it than talk to it?
SecUnit wanted to leave. Suddenly the world around it was stifling and awkward. Nobody was looking at it, yet it felt exposed and naked. Unlike killer bots and doublecrossing humans, SecUnit can’t protect itself from this feeling. There were still a few events SecUnit wanted to attend (like the discussions on the lost episodes) but honestly it didn’t have the energy anymore. It’ll use drones to record it instead.
Just as it was writing up a message to send to Rhatti to not expect it later on, one of its drones pinged it.
Although SecUnit was “on break” and didn’t need to work security, security it worked. It couldn’t help it, the need to watch over everything was built into it. Majority of the convention troublemakers were entitled brats who tried to steal merchandise or skip lines. Nothing to get worked up about. SecUnit noticed on the other side of the convention were three young teenage boys assembling something. They were huddled together, obscuring drone view. When they stepped away, SecUnit saw they had made a “Wipon,” a fire gun shown in episode 153.
SecUnit informed security of its existence. Weapons, even fake ones for cosplay, were against the rules. (SecUnit understood the irony that itself was a weapon and was walking around freely.) The teens were waving the gun around, laughing and miming the iconic moment from the show. Before security was anywhere near them, one teen pulled the trigger.
The gun gave out a loud pop, loud enough to be heard over the ramble of the convention. A bright orange spew of fire exploded outward from the barrel, hitting the ceiling of the convention, merchandise tables, and the hanging decorative banners.
SecUnit immediately sent a message to Rhatti to get the fuck out of there. Rhatti, who was used to this now, didn’t waste time asking stupid questions. In the drone feed he went straight for the emergency exit, telling other con goers to do the same.
Back in the main hall it was chaos. Hundreds of attendees started screaming as the fire spread. Above half of the sprinklers kicked in, the other half didn’t. SecUnit wasn’t surprised; majority of human deaths always happened because of cheap motherfuckers who never wanted to pay for basic safety equipment. Water spilled over the floor, barely hitting any of the flames. Attendees slipped and toppled over each other in their panic to leave.
And just to add another fuck you to the situation, the lights suddenly went out. Now the only things to be seen were the flames and flashes of light from people’s portable devices.
SecUnit was excellent at its job, but not even it could handle an entire hall full of panicking humans. People were going to die.
That didn’t mean SecUnit wasn’t going to try its damndest.
The moment the teenagers shot off their miniature rocket, SecUnit dropped everything it was holding. It was going to mourn its lost merch later, but it needed its hands free. From there it began hacking every drone in the convention space. SecUnit has never hacked so many on such a grand scale, and it took three seconds to do.
Fifty-seven drones all under its command. If there wasn’t an emergency to focus on, it would’ve patted itself on the back for the impressive amount. Every drone that had a light in it was put on full blast to illuminate the emergency exits. Those who didn’t have lights had the job of seeking out humans who had gotten lost. While that was happening, SecUnit was clearing debris to lessen chokepoints. When it grabbed a folded table with one hand and tossed it out the way, one human stared at it with wide eyes and said, “How’d you do that?”
SecUnit yelled, “GO!”
There were a few humans who tried to loot in the chaos, and it was forced to grab them by the hem of their shirts and shove them towards an exit. When one refused and kept trying to save their merch, SecUnit grabbed their items and tossed them into the flames. The human gave some impressive expletives but finally left.
Drones flew over the now seemingly empty convention hall, looking for any wayward humans. By the now the fire had spread across the ceiling and embers were falling down like snow. The heat was nearly unbearable and the smoke made it almost impossible to see through. Was that everyone? Could SecUnit finally prioritize itself?
One drone caught something on the video. It was hard to make out, thanks to the thick, vicious smoke, but on a closer look it was a human hand. SecUnit ran for it. It saw who it was and nearly gasped. It was Eden.
No, not Eden- Adam . The actor. He was trapped under a table. It looked like during the chaos he must’ve fell. He had burns on his hands and cheeks. There was a huge ashy footprint on his neck where someone had stepped on him. His leg was bent at a wrong angle. He coughed and rasped out, “Help…”
“Stay calm,” SecUnit said. It bent down, grabbing the tables and hauled it off him. Adam cried out in pain as SecUnit grabbed him and got him to his feet. It didn’t have time to be gentle, the flames were worse now. Drones were falling victims to the heat, dropping out of the sky like insects. The few drones it still had told it all the exits were blocked by flames. SecUnit force itself to get through but Adam would be cooked.
Adam seem to sense SecUnit’s hesitation. He moaned. “Is there no way out? Are we going to die?”
Like hell we are, SecUnit thought. It wished it said it out loud because it sounded like something straight out of Sanctuary Moon, but by then SecUnit had already raised its arm, pointing at a nearby wall. It deployed its gun and fired. The wall exploded in a brilliant display of violence straight to the outside. SecUnit’s beloved hoodie was in tatters, melting off of its arm from the heat of the gun.
Adam stared with wide eyes. “Are you… a secunit?”
The new opening brought in a swath of fresh air, and the flames roared higher. Firefighters could deal with that. As of now SecUnit was half-carrying Adam out of the hole and away from the danger.
Adam was babbling. “You’re a secunit! Oh my god! Why are you at the convention? I don’t remember any security that are supposed to be… are you wearing a Sanctuary Moon hoodie? Are you a fan? Why aren’t you talking? God, did I hit my head? Am I hallucinating? No, no, I see your arm ports, you’re a secunit!”
By now Rhatti had sent over fifty messages asking if SecUnit was okay. SecUnit would be flattered if it wasn’t so fucking annoying. It sent one message back: I’m fine, I have Eden with me.
What does that mean???? Rhatti sent back. SecUnit chose not to respond.
“Talk to me,” Adam begged. “Please, talk to me. Tell me anything. I need to know. Why… how…”
SecUnit considered it. Up ahead emergency personnel were rushing into the hall. In a minute it would hand Adam over to the medical teams. If there was any moment to speak, it was now or never.
“SecUnits don’t cry,” it said. It knew this wasn’t what fans should say, but now that it’s started, it won’t stop. “They don’t bite their lip, and I know the writers are pushing for a Eden/Smith romantic relationship, but that’s disgusting. SecUnits aren’t human and they’re not trying to be human. To suggest otherwise is insulting.”
“Oh…” Adam said. His long, ash-covered hair fell over his face. “I’ll… try to work on that.”
Finding courage, SecUnit then said, “Sanctuary Moon is my favorite piece of media. And Eden… is my favorite character.”
Adam snapped his head up towards it, eyes wide and wet. Tears dribbled down his cheeks. “That is the best compliment I’ve ever gotten.”
SecUnit groaned. “I told you secunits don’t cry!”
Adam continued to sob.
SecUnit wanted to say so many other things. I don’t cry when I break my legs. I’ve gotten entire limbs blown off and haven’t cried. What happened with episode 78, when the side-story of Eden finding alien eggs was dropped from canon? Are there any plans to bring back the other secunit, Tamara? The storyline involving it was unfinished and there’s so many possibilities to explore…
But by then they had reached the emergency personnel. SecUnit carefully maneuvered Adam onto a stretcher and stepped back to allow the medical team to do their work.
Adam reached out to it. “Wait, your name! I didn’t get your name!”
SecUnit simply shook its head, placing a finger over its lips. By outing itself as a secunit to a famous actor was already stupid enough. Its name didn’t need to be out there as well. SecUnit stepped away and melted into the crowd, off to find Rhatti.
***
Forty-three people were hospitalized for burns and smoke inhalation, but nobody died. Because of that, the teenage boys who set off the fire were sentenced to several months of detention. There were a dozen reports from people who said a secunit had helped them. All of their drones were destroyed in the fire, giving no proof.
Adam Voltek only gave a few interviews about the harrowing ordeal, giving thanks to the emergency personnel. Not once did he ever mention about the mysterious, rumored secunit.
“Does it make you upset?” Rhatti asked as they watched an interview. “You saved his life and he doesn’t even mention you.”
“No,” SecUnit said. It already looked up the titles of future episodes for season 23. Most of them were pretty basic titles that gave no clues to what the episodes could be about. Lost in translation, dear god! Words, words, words. The long descent, the short uprising.
Rhatti preferred not to be spoiled and refused to read them. His loss. If he did, he would notice something special about an episode in the middle of the season.
Episode 186: SecUnits don’t cry.