Work Text:
TITLE: The Palmetto Foxes Answer the Web’s Most Searched Questions | Wired Autocomplete
LENGTH: 16m 39s (sixteen minutes and thirty-nine seconds)
STATUS: Final Draft, Ready for Publication
CAMERA A, centre shot. Sat at the top from left to right - ANDREW Minyard, blank expression looking straight in the camera, wearing a black turtleneck, 1 (one) dagger earring in the left ear, dark trousers and platform Doc-Martens. KEVIN Day, hair gelled back, light grey button-up shirt with brown sweater vest layered on top. MATT Boyd, navy boiler suit with gold detail buttons and a burgundy beanie. NICKY Hemmick, gold star studs in each ear, purple sheer shirt with bishop sleeves and tight black denim jeans. AARON Minyard, white dress shirt and brown checked trousers. Sat at the bottom from left to right - NEIL Josten, fitted icy blue v-neck with white jeans and black Mary Janes. DANIELLE Wilds, fitted deep red bodycon dress with black platform stilettos. RENEE Walker, flower print tie top with bell sleeves, paired with a low waisted denim skirt and Doc-Martens. ALLISON Reynolds, hot pink baby-tee with maxi purple silk skirt and block heel sandals.
OFF-SCREEN VOICE
Right, you guys ready to go?...Again?
RENEE gives a thumbs up, ALLISON giggles and ANDREW rolls his eyes
DAN
Yep! Let’s go fuckers -ahh shit! Can we swear in this?
CAMERA D, panned towards the other cameras, DAVID Wymack can be seen with his head in his hands in the set.
DAN
We are the Palmetto Foxes and we’re doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview!
MATT
Nailed it babe.
CAMERA A, pans out to centre shot with the Title Card, 'The Palmetto Foxes (Try) to do the Wired Autocomplete Interview'
CAMERA B, left side of the group shows Neil moved forward, holding the poster board
NEIL
So I just- yeah okay.
NEIL peels the first tab
NEIL
Neil Josten…height. Right- what the fuck? This is the first goddamn question are you kidding?!
CAMERA B pans from the side, ANDREW can be seen smirking from the back as he kicks AARON’s chair
CAMERA A, back to centre shot
NEIL
I will have you all know I am 5 (five). Foot. Fucking. 3 (three).
MATT
Awe, come on Neilio it’s just a bit of fun!
NEIL
Whatever…fucking giant
NEIL peels the next tab
NEIL
Neil Josten…relationship. Oh, that one’s easy - there isn’t one!
ALLISON
Sure Josten, whatever you wanna tell yourself.
RENEE puts her hand on ALLISON’s knee
NEIL peels next tab
NEIL
Neil Josten…major - math. It’s elite, I don’t make the rules.
MATT looks concerned as he meets NEIL’s eye
NEIL
Okay, last one thank fuck. Neil Josten…Andrew Minyard? What- does this mean something I don’t get?
CAMERA B pans from the side, to catch ANDREW’s reaction
ANDREW rolls his eyes, muttering under his breath
NICKY
Oh honey.
CAMERA CUTS to DAN tripping over NEIL’s foot as she switches seats
DAN
Shit! Neil! You’re only elf-sized how are you in the way?!
NEIL
Dan I swear to fucking god.
DAN
Right! Here we go…
DAN pulls the paper off and places it in her lap
DAN
Danielle Wilds…shutting down sexist interviewers!
DAN squeals and claps her hands
DAN
I love that this is a common thing people search! Oh my god, that’s brilliant
NICKY
Slay.
KEVIN
No, Nicky please, not again…
RENEE
For context, ‘slay’ is Nicky’s new favourite word of the month.
ALL nod, NICKY grins, KEVIN looks tearful
DAN
Alright, next one
Ripping the tab off in two, placing them in her lap again.
DAN
Danielle Wilds…gaslight gatekeep girlboss!
DAN
I mean yes…but why?
AARON
It was from that time we did press duty, with- god what was his name…James!
DAN
Oh yeah! Okay, so for all those who don’t know, some of the journalists out there aren’t the best.
KEVIN under his breath
You’re telling me…
DAN
So this one time me, Aaron and Neil were doing press duty and basically this guy James wouldn’t stop asking Neil about his scars and Riko and shit. So when Neil wouldn’t answer I had enough and…reiterated to him that the foxes supported the slogan ‘gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss’.
NEIL
That and a fuckton of swear words
DAN
Well, I wasn’t just gonna let them hurt Neil babygirl Josten now was I?
NEIL grimaced but allowed DAN to pat his head as she swapped seats again
SWITCH TO CAMERA B as RENEE takes her seat and peels the first tab off
RENEE
Renee Walker…best saves. Awe that’s a nice one!
ALLISON
You saved my heart darling
ALLISON blows a kiss towards RENEE who catches it and tucks it into her skirt pocket
NICKY
Sapphic love improves the soul!
AARON
Ew, Nicky.
RENEE peels the next tab off the poster board
RENEE
Renee Walker…Andrew Minyard best moments.
ANDREW looks up from where he was fixing NEIL’s hair and the corner of his mouth moves upwards whilst meeting RENEE’s eyes.
SWITCH TO CAMERA A as RENEE smiles widely at the camera
RENEE
That’s nice! I might have to watch some of those later!
RENEE stands up to switch places with ALLISON who places a kiss on her lips before taking her own poster board
ALLISON
Right bitches, what have you got for me?
ALLISON peels the first paper off
ALLISON
Allison Reynolds…before Palmetto. A bitch is what I was, and not the fun kind.
ALLISON grimaces before peeling off the next tab
ALLISON
Allison Reynolds…Renee Walker. Awe baby we’re on the board!
RENEE smiles at her girlfriend whilst MATT turns to talk to DAN and whispers
SWITCH TO CAMERA B and zoom in
MATT
Babe they’re so cute I don’t know what to do myself that isn’t screaming!
DAN
Matthew Boyd do not scream in this interview I swear to god.
MATT
But Dan…I’m atheist
MATT smirks whilst sitting back upright in his seat
ALLISON
Right monster it’s your turn!
RENEE
Allie!
ALLISON
They're taking back the name babe! Like slut's a compliment now!
ALLISON tosses the board behind her before getting up and taking her original seat
SWITCH TO CAMERA A, centre frame as ANDREW stands up and holds his poster board
Title Card on the bottom of the screen ‘Andrew’s Swear Total’ with a ping sound effect
ANDREW mutters
Fuck me, Jesus Christ
TOTAL: 2 (two), with ping effect as they are said
ANDREW peels off the first paper and throws it over his shoulder
ANDREW
Andrew Minyard…twin. Well fucking done I am a twin, how stupid do you have to be to fucking google that
TOTAL: 4 (four), ping effect as he says them
ANDREW peels the next paper and scrunches it up, throwing it at NEIL
ANDREW
Andrew Minyard…Neil Josten. Fucking idiots.
TOTAL: 5 (five), ping effect when said
NEIL
Wait - yours as well? Is there something I’m not getting?
MATT
Dude, I love you but there’s always something you’re not getting
AARON nods in agreement
ANDREW
Jesus fucking christ
TOTAL: 6 (six), ping effect when said
ANDREW
It means they think we’re in a fucking relationship you thick shit
TOTAL: 8 (eight), ping effect when said
ANDREW
I’m fucking done
DAN
You still got one mo-
ANDREW
I said. I’m fucking done
TOTAL: 10 (ten), applauding sound effect before Title Card disappears off screen
PAN TO CAMERA C as ANDREW gets up, throwing the poster board behind the camera
SWITCH TO CAMERA D showing DAVID getting smacked by the board
KEVIN
Maybe…I should just go.
SWITCH TO CAMERA A, centre shot of KEVIN sat on chair with poster board
KEVIN peels the first tab off
KEVIN
Kevin Day…skiing accident reveal.
KEVIN visibly blushes and gapes his mouth slightly
KEVIN
Um, so- I, um.
DAN
Don’t answer it if you don’t want to Kev.
KEVIN peels the next tab off
KEVIN
Kevin Day…sexy exy. Okay, so this is obviously from the t-shirt I wore.
NEIL cackles beyond frame
KEVIN
Which Neil bought for me. And then posted a picture of me in. And started the hashtag #Dayissexyexy
NEIL continues to cackle
SWITCH TO CAMERA B as ANDREW is seen slapping NEIL on the head
KEVIN
Kevin Day…is done. I’m done, Matt it’s your go.
MATT
Sweet!
CUT TO MATT on chair holding board
MATT
Matt Boyd…heart eyes? What?
AARON
It’s the face you make at Dan weirdo
MATT
Awe, babe!
DAN has her mouth open slightly, hands on her chest
DAN
Awe!
NEIL
And me.
MATT
And you, dude. Love you
NEIL
Heart eyes
ANDREW
It’s a face not a saying junkie
NEIL
Oh.
CAMERA B as NICKY moves to grab his board and seat himself
NICKY
Okay- Nicky Hemmick…mother
NICKY
Awe! Like you two being my babies!
ANDREW and AARON both roll their eyes in sync
AARON
Nicky, we’re fully grown adults
NEIL
Well…not fully grown…
AARON
Watch it Josten.
NICKY
Boys, don’t fight! Okay, Nicky Hemmick…languages. I speak fluent German, Spanish and English which I taught to my two babies but they just couldn’t get a hand of the Spanish. Ich bin fertig, bis später!
ANDREW rolls his eyes
SWITCH TO CAMERA B as NEIL turns around and points at ANDREW, whispering something
AARON
Let’s just get this over with before anyone gets hurt.
AARON stands up and walks over to the chair, NEIL sticks his feet out at the last minute and AARON falls face first
AARON
Fucks sake Josten!! What are you? Ten years old?
NEIL
Jokes on you, I don’t know how old I am!
CUT TO CAMERA A, centre frame, AARON with poster board
AARON
Aaron Minyard…addiction. Yes I was addicted to drugs, jesus find something fucking new to talk about.
MATT nods solemly
AARON
Aaron Minyard…relationship.
AARON smiles, blushing slightly
AARON
I have a beautiful girlfriend called Katelyn who is a cheerleader for the Vixens, who loves me so much she braves Andrew. Which says a lot
ANDREW pulls his lips into a line, shoulders tensing
AARON
Palmetto Foxes…versus USC this Friday 6PM EST!
ALL except ANDREW
Thank you!!!
FINAL FRAME, CAMERA A, ALL getting up from seats
OFF SCREEN
Well that was a fucking shit show!
OFF SCREEN
David! They did very well!
OFF SCREEN
Says fucking who?
OFF SCREEN
Was your fucking idea, coach
OFF SCREEN
Jesus Minyard! Fucking scared the shit out of me! Put that knife away before someone gets hurt
OFF SCREEN
Title of your sex tape!
OFF SCREEN
Oh Neil, that's not- you know what, it was close enough!
OFF SCREEN voices start to fade as all the foxes leave the CAMERA A, centre frame
OFF SCREEN
Andrew! Fucking. Put. The. Knife. Away.
OFF SCREEN
Your mom put the knife away
OFF SCREEN
Josten, stay out of this
OFF SCREEN
Okay Neil, that one was just shit and you know it.